Calling It Out
On 21 October 2015 former NRL player Hazem El Masri was charged with the domestic assault of his wife Douah El-Cherif. The media has predictably gone into overdrive. I found an article by Ruby Hamad to be particularly interesting (1).
To surmise Hamad is suggesting that the sentiment “real men don’t hit women” is part of the problem. She goes onto to say that “we still cling to the good guy/bad guy dichotomy that pretends only bad men – the type women should learn to stay away from – hurt women”. It’s a point well-made. Trying to distil this complex problem down to a simple yes or no is unhelpful.
Unfortunately for Hamad some parts of her article contain points less well made. Hamad despaired “So how do we reconcile this? How could someone who's seen by the community as "one of the good guys" be capable of such an abhorrent crime?”
The fairly obvious problem with this statement is that we don’t yet know if he is capable of the crime. El Masri has been charged. He’s not been found guilty. Since the initial article El Masri’s former wife Ms Arwa Abousamra has strongly supported her ex-husband (2). She reported that “Hazem never as much as raised his voice at me, even in an argument,” she said in a statement to Fairfax Media. “We separated two years ago, but have remained the best friends.”
Hazem El Masri has pleaded not guilty (3). He’s stated that he’s in the possession of evidence that proves he is not guilty. Personally, I’m going to wait until the evidence by both parties is submitted before I form a firm opinion about what El Masri is or is not capable of.
Hamad immediately accepted that Douah El-Cherif’s accusations are true and that Hazem El Masri is guilty. This is despite the fact that there have been no prior suggestions of him engaging in, much less actually being convicted of, domestic abuse. He is an outspoken critic of violence against women. Hamad immediately assumes the man is guilty.
Hamad’s judgement on this matter exposes a bias against men which is surprising as in the past I’ve found her work quite reasonable. I’d suggest she’ll publish some kind of retraction, particularly if El Masri is found not guilty. Amusingly Hamad’s poor judgement unintentionally supports the risks of the good guy/bad guy dichotomy which is one of the key ideas of her article,
The data contained in Australian police reports indicate that they deal with a domestic dispute every two minutes (4). Not all of those disputes involve domestic assault and it’s disingenuous to suggest that they do. However any way you look at it the statistics leave little doubt that domestic assault is a serious problem in Australia.
To tackle this problem we need to address the underlying factors which contribute to domestic assault. I believe that many more people than we are prepared to comfortably admit are capable of domestically assaulting their partner. Yet not everyone makes that poor decision. As a society we must identify the circumstances and behaviours which increase the likelihood of domestic assault.
We need to channel resources into reducing those circumstances. When people display the types of behaviours which are associated with an increased risk of domestic abuse they need to be flagged and those behaviours should be addressed. Early intervention is often the key. But it doesn’t stop there. There is one other really important thing that we must do. We must tell people when it happens.
Some time ago one of my friends was assaulted by her partner. I cannot adequately describe the respect and admiration that I have for the way in which she has behaved. She left him immediately. She reported him to the authorities who followed procedure accordingly. But it doesn’t just stop there.
My friend admitted that the signs were there and that perhaps she should have done something earlier. Many people are not strong enough to do that. She acknowledged that she could not help this person. She realises that it’s not her fault and that ultimately she is not and can never be responsible for his behaviour.
Perhaps most importantly she told people. She told her friends. She told them straight away. There was no quiet retreat into herself. She was out and proud even though it must have hurt tremendously to do so. To tell the world of wounds which were no doubt still raw. Knowing something of her injuries, she would have been in pain just sitting there as she typed.
Domestic assault is not the victims fault. Yet the victim does have a part to play. There is power in words and stories. The more stories of domestic assault, the more pain there is bled out onto a page, the more chance there is that people will read them. Particularly young people who after reading the stories of victims are significantly less likely to offend or to cling to a good guy/bad guy dichotomy.
(4) http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-29/domestic-violence-data/6503734